How to worry less and hope more
My muscles in anticipating joy and hope are extremely weak.
It’s so much easier for me to prepare for the worst.
To prepare for the best?
Just saying this makes my heart tighten slightly.
Are you like that too?
I am often envious of people who have a naturally positive outlook on life (didn't come across many of them, but there are)
Brene Brown says most of us are foreboding joy because we are protecting ourselves from pain.
We don’t allow ourselves to hope or lean into joy because we are trying to minimize the impact when things don’t go our way.
The thing is, trying to anticipate disappointment will not make it less painful when it happens.
We think it will lessen the impact, but it doesn’t.
It is still painful.
This was an “a-ha” moment for me.
I realize that my worries and worst-case scenarios "cushions" are an illusion.
When they happen (which most of the time they don’t), I would still be disappointed no matter how much I “prepped” myself.
For those times when things actually went better than expected, it felt like I tortured myself for nothing.
My mind tends to equate worrying with “doing something”.
If I cannot control or predict the future, maybe I can worry about it.
It sounds silly and unproductive when I write it out. Unfortunately, it became a habit, whether I liked it or not.
This is not how I want to live.
Worrying is tiring. I know because I have played the worrying game for too long.
I figured, it’s not how anyone would like to live too.
I want you to remember that if you are hurt and disappointed, you can seek for support and you will get through it.
You don’t have to pre-maturely torture yourself by anticipating it all the time.
You can learn to stay present and develop the courage to hope after you’ve done what you can.
I know the voice of “What if it doesn’t work out?” might keep coming up.
It’s like a super strong muscle that’s hyperactive.
You don’t have to succumb to it or counter it.
You can acknowledge it and say “I hear you.”
“I hear your fear and worry about things not working out.”
“I hear you.”
“I also know that you have been through tough times, and you can handle the disappointment and pain. Even though you think you can’t, you can”
“What if things work out?”
That makes the part that is so afraid become calmer and we can get to work on what's most important right now.
I want to learn to hope.
Because, there is power in hope.
It allows me to give my best without holding back - in love, in work, in life.
Let's learn to hope together.
Are you with me?
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