What's your relationship with Mistake?
I was speaking to a client and we discovered that one of the biggest contributing factors of stress is her procrastination and fear of making mistakes.
Picture this: She's stuck in a loop. She wants to start things the right way, but she's paralyzed by the fear of getting it wrong. The longer she hesitates, the heavier her stress cloud becomes.
It's like there's this subconscious equation at play: Mistake = Failure.
Now, logically, we know that's not true. But emotionally? That's a whole different story.
It doesn’t feel safe in our bodies to make mistakes, especially if we’re conditioned to think that making mistakes is bad.
I remember I was 8 years old and I got 97 marks for a math paper.
My mom looked at the paper – and said – “Ah, this is such a careless mistake. If you didn’t have this, you would’ve gotten 100 marks.”
My mom didn’t have any bad intentions of putting me down.
Yet, my young mind didn’t know.
I felt ashamed for getting the 3 marks deducted for a careless mistake.
It wasn’t celebrating “Yes! I have gotten 97 marks!”
It was “Sigh, if I was more careful, I would’ve gotten 100.”
I learned to focus on what I didn’t do well enough instead of what I did right.
In order to minimize mistakes, I want to have the best plan.
I want to be prepared as much as possible.
I would second guess myself and wonder, what is the “right” way and “best” way to approach this.
I was often stressed and anxious because of this.
But here’s the thing I learned - No one is judging me as hard as I do.
People move on pretty quickly, almost immediately.
It’s me, replaying mistakes in my mind, blaming myself for not thinking about it before, labeling myself as being not good enough, or worse, as a failure.
But guess what? I am not perfect. You are not perfect. No one is.
And that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay—it's liberating.
In your journey of growth, you will make mistakes and there will be moments where you have to take a bet.
You have to be willing to start badly, get the ball rolling, and improve from there.
If you are too afraid about not making any wrong moves, I am afraid that you’re not truly living at all.
So, let’s try something. Read these words out loud. Say them slowly and feel the words.
“I am safe even if I didn’t do it perfectly.”
“I am loved even if I didn’t do it perfectly.”
“I give myself permission to start badly.”
“I am resilient and can handle setbacks.”
I wonder, if you allow yourself to make mistakes, how does it feel to start working on something challenging?
If you allow yourself to make mistakes, will you be more courageous in speaking up and sharing your idea?
Remember, even if things do not go as well as you want it to, there are good parts.
Things are not black and white.
When you give yourself room to make mistakes, you have more inner space to be curious and understand where you can do better, genuinely.
Otherwise, you would feel so threatened and defensive that you just feel like running away, yet being haunted by it.
When your relationship with mistake transforms, your relationship with procrastination will also transform.
You will be more willing to start, receive feedback, stress less, and open the door to taking more risks.
I am rooting for you!
PS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them. They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
