Alone, but not lonely
Do want to feel more assured & confident from within?
Do you wish to stop caring so much about what others think about you?
Start by spending more time with yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions.
I look around me, people chattering at lunch in pairs or in groups.
Everyone is so engaged.
At a table not too far, there’s a girl in her 20s sitting alone and her eyes are completely glued to her screen. Watching some videos, I suppose.
I am sitting alone just people-watching while waiting for my food to arrive.
I am alone, yet I do not feel lonely.
In my experience, the worst loneliness probably comes from not feeling connected with myself.
When you’re disconnected from yourself, there is a sense of loneliness that no external company can miraculously heal.
Yes, with someone by your side, you may feel the assurance that you’re not alone. The high of great conversations.
Yet, there are times when you can be surrounded by so many others, yet feel so lonely.
On the other hand, You can be alone, yet not feel lonely.
Ultimately no one can be with you all the time, whenever you need them.
Be it your partner, your parents, your child, or your friends.
Having such expectations not only makes us feel scared about losing the people around us (resulting in us being too clingy), it may also result in suffocating the people we love.
So, how can you start to connect with yourself at a deeper level?
(i) Start embracing boredom.
Being bored is not a bad thing. It’s actually a chance for you to pay attention to yourself.
In boredom, you can start to notice what you’re drawn towards.
Try to not resolve to social media, Netflix, or online shopping in times of boredom.
Too often, social media feeds us information that distracts us from what we are naturally interested in.
When bored, sit with it and wonder - What interests you? What do you feel like doing?
(ii) Start spending more time with yourself
Doing things on your own, and observing what emotions arise.
Perhaps, a meal on your own, or just a visit to the bookshop by yourself.
It may feel awkward for some people to eat out alone, yet it’s such a good practice to be comfortable being in our own company.
No one is a better company for us, than us.
(iii) Start noticing your thoughts and your emotions.
Learning to be comfortable with your thoughts and feelings is a way to feel connected with yourself.
If you are afraid of being alone with your own company, it’s likely that you’re not very comfortable being with your thoughts.
These days, it’s so easy to be numbed out through external distractions.
We are constantly being stimulated by conversations, social media, and ads.
No wonder we often feel like we’re missing out.
When you start to spend more time listening within, you start to acknowledge what is unique about you, you start to appreciate YOU.
You are more likely to feel connected with yourself and hear your inner yearning.
One great way to do it is journaling.
I find it to be a window to connect with myself. It’s as though I am talking to a friend who is completely non-judgemental and I can speak my mind without filtering.
Befriending my thoughts, and understanding them create a more intimate relationship with myself.
You can start journaling today.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and write. Even if you feel that you’re not sure what to write, just start writing.
These are some journaling prompts for you to consider today:
“Today, I feel….”
“I am sitting here…..”
“I have been noticing…..”
Learning to be alone and not feel lonely is one of the most important skills to feel more at peace and confident within.
With that, I spend time with others not because I need to, but because I want to.
With that, I am not dependent on others to make me feel happy.
With that, I know myself deeper.
I wish the same for you too.
PS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them! They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
PPS: I can support you to accept yourself and become more courageous through 1:1 coaching. If you want to start charting your fulfilling life, apply for coaching here. I have 1 spot opening in August.
Love,
TJ
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