Please don’t try to be perfect and juggle it all
What is the easiest way to feel burnout?
Trying to do it all and appear that I don’t need help or support.
Trying to juggle it all perfectly.
Trying to be calm and composed through the chaos that’s unfolding.
I am not perfect, and I tell my husband that.
There’s a sense of lightness to just admit that!
I cannot be everything.
Trying to be perfect is just too tiring.
I can be very calm and grounded, and I can be very restless and impatient.
I can be very capable of driving execution excellence for strategic go-to-market plans, and I am not the best at keeping the house spotless and organized (he helps too, but given I am mainly working from home with time flexibility, most housework falls on me)
I can hold space, listen and emotionally support others, and I have days where I just want to curl up and hide from everything that’s happening.
Why am I sharing this?
It’s because, for so many years, I tried to do it all, and strive to be this ideal person in my mind.
I was only accepting the light in my human experience and rejecting the darkness.
I was constantly busy and felt that I had never-ending to-do lists in my mind.
There were times when I felt resentful - "Don’t you see that I am overwhelmed here?"
I felt the crushing weight on my shoulders and the waves of anxiety in my heart.
The radical shift came from noticing how much I have been taking on and coming to peace that I cannot do it all.
And, that’s okay.
I used to feel that I had to toughen up and be the best wife, best daughter, best daughter-in-law, best sister, and best employee.
Now, I am accepting that I am only human.
There are areas in my life where I will give my best and try all I can to make it work.
There are areas in my life where I choose not to hold such impossibly high standards anymore.
It opened the door for me to seek for support and help too.
I realize,
if I had always been doing everything so well and never expressed that I wanted help, the people around me wouldn’t even notice I needed support.
They assumed that I was doing very okay.
I would then try to balance the increasing mountain of work that’s piling on and still appearing that I have it all together.
I used to cringe at the idea of saying – “hey, can you help me with this?”
On the one hand – my ego did not like the idea of being weak. Seeking support means weakness to my ego.
On the other – I have this thought that, if he wants to help, he will voluntarily do so. I don’t even have to ask.
I was wrong.
Other people cannot read my mind.
Other people do not know how I feel if I don’t let them witness how I feel.
So, I stopped assuming and being passive-aggressive.
I stopped being so "okay" and "fine" all the time.
I started sharing more about what I think and how I feel.
With that, I allow my close ones into my inner world and I feel much more connected with them.
As I allow my whole self, with my so-called imperfections to be seen and still feel loved and accepted by others, I learn that I don’t have to keep up that façade.
You can allow yourself to do that too.
My invitation to you:
- In what area are you feeling overwhelmed and would like to ask for support?
- Is it managing workload at work or at home?
- Is it managing expectations from parents or in-laws?
- Is it a listening ear to hear all that you’re going through?
Allow yourself to accept that you don’t have to do it all and you’re still worthy and amazing.
Seeking support is the fertilizer for resilience.
If you’re not sure how to start communicating your need for support, I encourage you to read this book called Non-violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
It has been very insightful and helped me express my feelings and my needs which promotes understanding instead of blaming.
Wishing you well.
PS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them! They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
PPS: I can support you to accept yourself and become more courageous through 1:1 coaching. If you want to start charting your fulfilling life, apply for coaching here. I have 1 spot opening in August.
Love,
TJ
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