Burnout for highly driven individuals
For the past few years, I noticed that driven individuals feel burnout not because they are incapable or have poor time management skills.
More often than not, highly driven individuals feel burnout because they are trying too hard to exceed expectations.
What is your benchmark for “meeting expectations” or “exceeding expectations”?
Back in school – you would have 100% as the maximum mark and you can keep striving towards it. We went through similar tests and through the ranking and marks, you know where you stand.
When the goalpost was very clear, it was easy to single-mindedly work hard towards it.
However, in life – there’s no 100% marks goal.
That is why many feel lost as the goalpost isn’t as clear-cut anymore.
One would wonder – “Am I doing enough?”; “Am I running fast enough?”
This is when it’s so easy to internalize external expectations from other people and treat them as our goalpost.
The external expectations continue to grow as we expand our roles in life – being a friend, a daughter, a wife, a mother, a manager, an employee, etc
It moves and moves depending on your external environment, how you compare with others, and how you perceive yourself.
Often, we work ourselves to burnout because it often feels like we have to meet all these expectations.
To be a good manager, good employee, good daughter, good wife, good business owner, good friend, good sister.
There’s always more that can be done.
I try really hard not to disappoint others and meet others’ expectations (often, striving to exceed them)
Let me tell you, this is NOT sustainable.
There will be external expectations that conflict with each other.
To work overtime and deliver a killer presentation or help my mother-in-law prepare dinner for the family?
To go for a weekend hike with my friends or meet my parents for dim sum?
To spend time working on my side business or go to the gym after 6pm?
I guarantee you, there will be times when you are NOT able to meet & exceed everyone’s expectations.
You will have to prioritize and someone may not be 100% happy with that decision.
And you have to learn to be okay with that.
If you’re not prioritizing, you will be pulled in all different directions and end up feeling frustrated.
In the spirit of trying to meet everyone’s expectations, you risk not meeting anyone’s expectations and worse, you risk forgetting yourself altogether.
See that these external expectations are not a “must” in your lives and that they are not your “goalpost”.
That you did not fail in life if you say “no” to certain requests or choose to deprioritize certain things.
When you try to uphold everyone’s expectations, you are allowing yourself to let these expectations grow and you are caught in the cycle of trying to prove yourself by meeting these expectations.
It’s important to check in– What is important to you?
This is your guide when conflicting demands arise. It serves as a compass on how to prioritize.
If you do not define what’s important to you, you would never feel enough no matter how hard you work to meet others’ expectations.
You surrender the power of making decisions to others.
You would push yourself harder and harder but what price are you paying?
Can you sustain the pace and the intensity you’re putting yourself through?
Allow yourself to look within on what’s important to you.
Allow yourself to say “yes” wholeheartedly to things that matter.
Give yourself permission to say “no” or disappoint others in things that do not matter as much to you.
We have finite time. It’s okay to not be 100% to everyone.
There’s no need to constantly try to exceed expectations for all the roles you play in life.
No one is grading you in life and you can make your own choices.
Trust that you’re loved even though you may not be meeting every single expectation from others.
You are enough. Remember that.
PS: If you are interested to chart a fulfilling career guided by your values, strengths and purpose, let me support you in doing so. Apply for a free discovery call and explore what's possible. There are no strings attached. You will walk away with more clarity on what’s holding you back and your transformation roadmap. I promise that there’s no pressure to work with me after that. I look forward to seeing you.
PPS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them! They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
Love,
TJ
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