I’m only loved when I’m achieving

Have you ever wondered what makes it so important for you to be always achieving? I have.

Growing up, the way I knew how to get attention growing up is to be great in my studies. Bringing back good results means I see the proud faces of my parents. Their smiles and acknowledgment warmed my young heart. I liked that feeling and I was determined to not let them down. It was a simple mission. Get good results, parents will be happy, I feel great.

I pushed myself very hard academically and at work. My identity is closely tied to achievement. I wasn’t aware then, that 𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠. I projected this upon others too. I believed that I am loved, when I am achieving.

However, this belief pushed me to do more, achieve more, and constantly fill things up on my plate. I was restless. It was never enough. No one expects this from me. It was me.

One day, I asked my husband. Will you still love me as much if I am not as successful? He looked at me dearly and say, “I did not fall for you because of your achievement. In fact, your 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑦 𝑝𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑠 attitude was what turned me off in the beginning.” It gave us a good laugh.

Since I became aware of my attachment towards achievement, I am slowly letting the ropes loosen. I start to see that this story I subconsciously carried around with me for years wasn't true. I allowed myself to be loved regardless of my achievements.

Can you take this moment to fully love yourself? Not when you get the next promotion, not when you achieve your ideal weight, not when you are doing something more meaningful for the world. Right here, right now.

You don’t have to be able to love all of yourself now. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜.