Do you brush off positive feedback or say “Thank You”?

This is the season of year-end performance review. As I conduct performance reviews for my team and receive my own, I reflected upon my inner journey in receiving feedback.

Growing up, I learned to brush off praises and compliments. Perhaps, it was childhood conditioning where my mom would say

“Aiyo, she’s not smart la. Your daughter is better, so disciplined, so smart.”

I internalized that as: 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡. 𝐓𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

Whenever I had any achievement, I would say “𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟.”

When others complimented me, my reflex is - “ℎ𝑎ℎ𝑎, 𝑛𝑜 𝑙𝑎. 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.”

I would brush off any idea that I did a good job and focus on what could be better. I want to, yet I resisted acknowledging my achievements or good qualities. It is as though it wasn’t right if I gave myself even a moment to feel good about it. As though, I don’t deserve it.

I felt held back, regardless of how much I have done or achieved. Deep down, I resisted acknowledging myself because I was afraid. I was afraid that this will mean that I have stopped being humble and will not improve anymore. It was tiring.

One day, I went to a workshop and there, I learned to choose a more empowering thought:

“I can acknowledge my progress AND be better”

Yes! It wasn’t mutually exclusive. I do not have to disregard my progress or achievement. I can hold them in my heart and bring them along as I move forward. I started practicing allowing myself to acknowledge my progress. It wasn’t easy to feel that I deserve it.

I used to only believe the performance improvement feedback and would feel awkward if I hear positive feedback. Now, I learn to say thank you. I spend more time celebrating success and I gained more confidence in what I am doing. I feel 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑒𝑟.

Allow yourself to acknowledge the journey you have made and accept the positive feedback you receive. Instead of brushing it off, allow it to land within you.

I am interested to know, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠?