Master this and claim your power
Want more confidence and inner peace, [FIRST NAME GOES HERE]?
Take radical responsibility for this one thing:
Focus on what’s within your circle of control.
You will be surprised by how much suffering I observe in my clients when they focus on things beyond their control.
You may not even realize it when you’re doing this because it feels so…natural.
I get caught in it too.
When you keep wondering “Why is he always late?”
Your focus is on his behavior – not within your circle of control.
When you keep wondering “How will she think of me? Will she judge me?”
Your focus is on her thoughts – not within your circle of control.
When you keep wondering “Why did I say that in the meeting just now? So stupid”
Your focus is on the past – not within your circle of control.
When you keep wondering “Why didn’t they promote me?”
Your focus is on others’ decisions – not within your circle of control.
This is not to say that you can’t question, reflect, and learn from your experience.
You can.
It’s helpful when you sit down and reflect on what is within your circle of control under that circumstance.
It’s not helpful when you start ruminating and keep on wondering about the “what if” and “why are they like this”.
You give up your power when you focus your energy on things beyond your control.
You can work hard, network, and get yourself prepared for promotion. Yet, whether your boss promotes you is out of your control.
Trying to “predict” the outcome only drains your energy.
There are things that you can control and influence.
There are things that you need to learn to let go of because thinking about it doesn’t influence the outcome.
You can keep complaining about how others are not recognizing your effort. This is beyond your control.
Waiting for external validation is a never-ending chase and keeps you small. You cannot force others to validate you.
Learn to acknowledge yourself and speak up for yourself.
The past is beyond your control.
Stop blaming yourself for past mistakes. You may feel like you have to keep reminding yourself of past mistakes so you remember the lesson.
However, it does you no good at all. It’s just you having a pity party with your mind.
You don’t grow more confident by blaming yourself. In cases like this, admit that you can do better, be kind to yourself, and focus on learning.
The future is beyond your control.
Trying to predict 10 steps ahead is a recipe for procrastination.
Focus on what you can do today. Focus on what you can do right now.
What you do today will set the foundation for your future.
Other people’s judgment is beyond your control.
You can choose to judge yourself less.
It’s almost impossible to not judge ourselves because it’s so ingrained within.
Yet, you can choose not to trust that judgy voice so much.
Stop arguing with reality and learn to focus on what you can do.
Pause and reflect:
What have been bothering you lately?
Are they within or beyond your control?
If they are within your control, what is one tiny step that can bring you closer to your goal?
Not the next 10 steps, but the next one step.
If it’s beyond your control, learn to redirect your focus and energy.
It’s not easy because you are building your mental and emotional muscles.
Build this muscle and you will create much more mental space - saving yourself time, energy, and frustration.
Start by always checking: What is within my control here?
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