This will help you be bold
I feel uncomfortable when I see people unsubscribe from my email list.
Even if it’s just 1 unsubscribe.
More so when I see “3 people unsubscribed”
I feel tightness in my chest - “Why did they unsubscribe?”
The voice would whisper “Did you offend or annoy them?”
Behind the tightness in my chest, there’s hurt.
I feel.... rejected.
“They didn’t like me...”
I won’t lie, even though I know it’s nothing personal intellectually, it can FEEL personal and makes me want to hide.
I feel ashamed. It doesn’t feel nice.
Have you ever experienced this?
When someone disagrees with you in a discussion?
When someone gives you constructive feedback on what you shared in a meeting?
When you thoughtfully put together a pitch and it was rejected by your manager?
Yeah, that’s the feeling.
Your face becomes hot and you wish you didn’t say what you said.
You feel like hiding or running away.
It's okay. You're not alone
I feel like hiding and running away too. Not just once, but many times.
Yet, I continue to write.
Because you know what?
I am building my muscles to accept that I will not please everyone in my journey of growth.
I have 353 people on my list.
The perfectionist and people pleaser in me wanted to have all these people accept me and agree with me.
However, this is impossible.
I will not be helpful to everyone.
I will not be everyone’s cup of tea.
There will be people who agree with me, accept me, and find me helpful.
There will be people who find what I say ridiculous and not helpful.
I want to accept, truly accept that this is not about me.
It is about differences in opinions and views.
It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with my worth as a human being.
I have room to grow and improve, yet I am enough.
No rejection can and should diminish my inherent worth.
This, is my recipe to boldness.
In order for me to get better and do the work I believe in, I will keep going even though rejection feels sucky.
The good news is, it gets better with practice.
The intensity level of my emotions was very high initially and it took me some time to recover.
Now, it’s a mild discomfort that doesn’t last longer than 30 seconds.
I no longer take it so personally and make it something “bad” about myself.
I haven’t met any successful entrepreneur or senior corporate leader who has gotten where they are without a fair share of rejection.
So, if you want to do great work and improve, you've got to learn to be bold.
Learn to accept that you can’t please everyone
Learn to feel safe when you feel like you’re being rejected
Learn to feel comfortable when others disagree with you
Learn to appreciate that those who resonate with you, will do so
Learn to get comfortable that the more you speak up, the more you will receive feedback
Remember, the discomfort feeling will pass.
(AND, there are skills you can cultivate to handle these feelings with more ease instead of just going through it with brute force and gritted teeth. If you want to learn how, explore coaching with me here)
However, if you are constantly tip-toeing at work or in life for fear of being rejected or disagreed upon, you are missing out on growth, opportunities and deep connections that may benefit you for a long, long time to come.
PS: I don’t find out who unsubscribes from me. I used to, but I no longer do. I respect your decision and I remember that it’s not personal. If what I share is no longer helpful to you, feel free to go. I wish you well 😊
PPS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them. They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
