Thinking your way out of overwhelm doesn’t work. Try these instead.
How do you cope when you feel overwhelmed?
Do you fight – being aggressive or defensive towards others? Trying to prove that you’re right
Do you flight – turning away and avoiding? “I will deal with this later”
Do you freeze – Thinking about it again and again? Not able to do much other than ruminate
Do you fawn – Trying to please everyone? Saying yes to everything.
These responses are natural. There’s nothing wrong with you.
When we are faced with a threat or perceived threat, we may feel unsafe and resort to one or many of these responses.
When I feel overwhelmed with doubt, I would usually resort to a fight + freeze response
I would go into thinking mode (freeze), plan 5 steps ahead, and simulate worst-case scenarios. They would fill up my mind space and makes me think of even more mitigation plans.
I would also become defensive when my sister or my husband asks me about my progress. I would not be open to listening and instead focus on protecting what’s in my mind.
Occasionally, I will resort to fawning where I think everyone’s opinion is right and I should follow what others say.
When I calmed down after, I would notice that things may not be as bad as they seemed.
It felt like I was making a mountain out of a molehill.
I learned that thinking our way out with our minds is often unhelpful when we are overwhelmed. The thoughts are often unreliable when I am in survival mode.
This is because in times like that, my nervous system (body) takes over instead.
So, to move forward, the best way is not to think harder or act on it first.
The priority is to soothe the nervous system. You need to let the body know that it’s safe.
When the body doesn’t feel safe, it shuts down and resorts to the responses mentioned above.
What are some of the ways you can soothe your nervous system? I am sharing my personal favorites below:
1. Take at least 5 deep breaths. For each cycle of breath, you may experiment with inhaling for 4 counts, and exhaling for 8 counts
2. You may place your hand at the body part you feel the most tension – Often, it’s my heart or belly. I would then gently massage that area and whisper inward – “it’s okay, you’re safe."
3. Move or stretch. You may stand up and allow your body to shake, like in Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off. Be it just gently bouncing up and down by lifting your heels, or letting your arms and legs shake, shake, shake.
4. You may connect to something solid and feel its support. You can do child’s pose and have your forehead gently rested on the ground. You may stand and lean your forehead against the wall, with your palms stacked forming a “cushion” for your forehead. Stay there for 5 breaths.
Try them and see which one feels good, safe and expansive for you. These practices invite space within and help you gently move away from the threat responses.
When you feel safe, you are often more confident and have clarity on what to do next.
After soothing my nervous system, I would ask myself “What do I need right now?” or “What’s most important right now?”
Often, the answer would arise.
Your answer is within too, you just need to allow it space to surface.
PS: Don't just sit and read this article (: Try 1 practice today!
PPS: If you resonate with the article and find it helpful, please forward this to your friends and family. They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
Love,
TJ
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