Recipe for positive transformation
It was 9 pm.
I had a late lunch and I wasn’t feeling hungry until now.
Hmm, what can I have now?
I looked at my kitchen counter. Well, I could have my multi-grain oat drink or I could drive out to Dawa Dessert to have my Nyonya Kuih and Chee Cheong Fun.
The latter sounds delicious and I could already see myself reaching out for my car keys.
Then, I paused. Urgh.
The inner disciplinarian spoke.
“Hmm, you really shouldn’t go out. It’s too much sugar and too heavy for you. You’ve been feeling lethargic and you’re getting fat. You shouldn’t go”
Guess what?
When I told myself that I shouldn’t go, the urge to head to the dessert shop immediately SHOT UP.
It’s as though there’s a rebellious child inside that says – I want! I want! I want!
I know myself well enough to not shut the rebellious child with force. I seldom win.
Because I know, she is not one to be tamed by just saying shut up. She thrives on it and would rebel even harder.
So, at that moment I decided to use a tool called The Choice Point (credit to Russ Harris)
Basically, when you are at the Choice Point, you have two directions.
One moving towards the person you want to be.
One moving away from the person you want to be.
Credit to Russ Haris; ACT made simple
In every situation, if you are aware, you have a choice.
I looked at my dilemma on hand and asked myself
Which choice would be moving towards my goal of feeling good about myself?
Which choice would be moving me away from my goal of feeling more energetic?
At that moment, I could see clearly and feel more positive.
It is different from merely suppressing my desire.
Yes. my desire to head to the dessert shop was there, yet it wasn’t as loud anymore.
I could feel that I had an ally within me.
I had my multi-grain oat drink and boiled some edamame instead.
The next day, I woke up feeling good physically and I also felt good about myself.
Telling myself that I CAN’T DO THIS often creates an inner war within. Have you experienced it before?
Instead of telling myself I can’t do this or I can’t do that, I find this approach helpful.
Transformation is not complex.
The formula is very simple. Yet, it’s not easy to do so because of our habitual pattern.
Change boils down to awareness + choice.
Being aware of what thoughts are consuming you now.
Being aware that right now, you have a choice to make.
The reason you can be stuck in unhealthy habits is usually a lack of practice in either of the elements.
Are you aware of the thoughts that are in your mind and the actions you’re taking;
Or are you often just letting things or people around you push you around?
Are you making a conscious decision when you’re responding to stressful situations and dilemmas;
Or are you letting habitual patterns take over and you’re on autopilot mode?
To be able to make a choice, it’s important to determine what’s important to you.
There’s no one absolute right or wrong choice.
To someone who aspires to be promoted in an accelerated timeframe, a choice to take on additional scope at work would be moving towards her goal.
For someone who aspires to spend more time with her toddler, a choice to take on additional scope at work would be moving away from her goal.
This seems really, really simple, doesn’t it?
Yet, you’d be surprised by how often people go through life by just following the currents of events and feeling disempowered.
So whenever you’re faced with a situation where you feel conflicted, pause and be aware of the stories in your mind.
You can invoke awareness by just pausing and asking –
What am I thinking right now? What am I feeling right now?
Then, remember that you have a choice.
Ask yourself,
What will help me move toward the version of self that I want to be?
What is moving me away from that version?
Life is made up of a series of moments.
And in each moment, you have a choice.
With love,
TJ
PS: Making a choice to stop running away from your challenges is one of the most important decisions you can make to move you closer to your goal and be the person you aspire to become. Change is not easy but I believe it is possible for you. Apply for a coaching discovery session because you don't have to struggle alone. I am here to support you to find out what's sapping your energy and empower you to live your best life.
PPS: If you resonate with this reflection and find it helpful, share this with your friends and family. It will be a gift to them. They can choose to subscribe to the upcoming newsletters here.
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