Are you canceling & limiting yourself?
Be very very careful about using this term:
“I am not a ________ person”
This label is the one that will hold you back the most in crafting a fulfilling career and life.
I used to label myself. A LOT.
When I was in primary school, running is my least favorite sport. I told myself:
“I am not an athletic person”
When my university life is all studies, and more studies, I told myself:
“I am not an adventurous person”
When I did well in corporate and I felt scared to venture into my own business, I told myself:
“I am not an entrepreneur”
These are all the words I told myself.
For many years, I believed in them.
I would shy away from sports day. I would decline spontaneous trips.
Because, I am not that person.
I realize, we often live up to the image we have in our mind.
If I believe that I am not “sporty and adventurous” and instead “studious and nerdy”, I would cancel the idea of trying out anything sporty and adventurous.
Even though I was curious. It will be brushed off with the inner voice saying – “Nah, you’re not this person”
A deep pain in my early 20s shook me up that made me question these labels.
I no longer knew who I was.
Instead of having an ideal image in mind, I leaned into curiosity and gave myself permission to live out of my predetermined image, to BE a different person.
I allowed myself to discover myself and embrace new experiences.
It started with something really small.
I allowed myself to say yes to hiking invitations (even though I was really anxious and reluctant at first).
After a few hikes, I realized that I really enjoyed it. I didn’t know this part of me.
I was getting to know a part of me that was hidden.
It started with small hills around the town. I did not even have proper shoes!
It then slowly unfolded into hiking mountains and trekking in the most beautiful places over the years.
From Mount Kinabalu in Malaysia, Mount Rinjani in Indonesia, Tongariro Trek in New Zealand to Annapurna Base Camp in Nepal.
These experiences are ones that I cherish so deeply and make me feel so alive.
If I was fixated on the idea of “I am not a sporty and adventurous person”, I would never have these wonderful and breathtaking experiences.
I am so grateful to the “yes” I said to hike at a small hill in our city call Bukit Gasing back in 2013 even though it was “out of character”.
This applies to my professional journey too.
When I was thinking about leaving my corporate job and starting my own coaching and training practice, a voice would come up.
“You are not an entrepreneur. You are too prudent. You are a corporate person. You’re not someone that can take this risk and put yourself out there”
I believed in this voice and stayed put for years.
I thought I would be more ready as the years go by, that I would become “more entrepreneur” like.
Years went by and I was still learning, learning, and learning.
After working with a coach, I knew I would never be ready and I needed to transition.
First thing first, I needed to let go of the labels I carry on my back.
I may not see myself as a “natural entrepreneur” yet I can learn to do what’s needed for the business.
I stopped filtering opportunities out prematurely.
I pause and ask:
Am I curious about what is possible?
How important is this to me?
Is this aligned with my values?
Am I willing to learn?
If yes, let’s try.
Let’s learn.
I was afraid to share my thoughts on social media, let alone do marketing for my services.
Today, I am comfortable recording videos of myself and sharing through my writing, inviting others to join my coaching program.
If I was fixated on my belief that “I am not an entrepreneur” or “I am not someone that can market her services on social media”, I would never be here.
I would not have a mailing list, a consistent coaching client roster, and the opportunity to spend more time on work that is truly fulfilling for me.
And, I am proud of myself.
I am proud that I did not hold on to the previous versions of myself too tightly.
I allowed myself to experiment, grow and keep crafting a career and life that is fulfilling for me.
You can do the same too.
You may have an idea of “who you are” and “who you are not”
Hold these lightly.
Instead of labeling as “I am a xx person” or “I am not a xx person”
“I am not a motherly person”
“I am not a visionary leader”
“I am not a creative person”
“I am not a risk taker”
Start giving yourself permission to BE a different person!
Give yourself permission to learn skills and adopt qualities.
As you grow, you will evolve.
If you hang on to any version of yourself too tightly, you will not be able to invite ease and growth.
Remember that you can learn.
Remember that you can change.
Remember that you have a choice.
When you find yourself dismissing an opportunity because it’s not “who you are”.
Ask,
Am I curious about what is possible?
How important is this to me?
Is this aligned with my values?
Am I willing to learn?
Let yourself shed part of your old identities and start embracing new parts.
It all starts with noticing how you “cancel” yourself out and giving yourself an opportunity to try.
PS: If you would like to start getting out of your comfort zone, redefining yourself and your career towards more fulfillment, apply for a coaching discovery session here because you deserve to thrive with meaning, joy and courage.
Love,
TJ
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