Perhaps it's time to stop "acting"
Can you please act like a 6-year-old??”
The dad from the table next to us sternly called out to his daughter who was playing loudly.
She immediately sat down. Her earlier giggles turned into a frown.
As I continued to slurp my piping hot ramen, I wondered – how should a 6-year-old act like?
Sit obediently at the table?
How should a 5-year-old, 8-year-old, 12-year-old act like?
I had no answer, [FIRST NAME GOES HERE].
Yet, it was clear that this phrase is no stranger to me.
I have often “acted the part”.
The part of “top student” – means no messing around and excelling academically
The part of “matured leader” – means being composed under stress and being decisive
The part of “good daughter-in-law” – means helping in the kitchen and nodding politely
And recently, I have found myself facing an “identity dilemma.”
I call myself a heart-centered leadership coach who focuses on emotional well-being and building confidence.
My content and workshop revolve around mindfulness, compassion, and leadership.
Yet, sometimes I feel like I am facing an “identity dilemma”
Being a mindfulness coach, I felt that I didn’t look “peaceful” enough. Whatever that means.
In my head, I was picturing Dalai Lama, Tara Brach – and I look nowhere near as wise and peaceful as them.
I don’t talk as softly and calmly all the time.
In my mind – I don’t look like a “typical” mindfulness teacher.
Being a leadership coach, I felt that I didn’t look “professional” enough.
Picture women doing power poses, impeccable makeup, and shiny professional smiles.
I don’t really look like that. I am down to earth, I laugh a bit too loud.
I felt that I didn’t belong to either image.
In my head, I was having a voice similar to the dad’s -
Act like a mindfulness coach
Act like a leadership coach
I got so caught up in “looking the part”.
I was having extreme stereotypical images of how certain roles “should” look like, the images that the internet has sold to me.
I couldn’t fit myself into these boxes.
Yet, I was afraid that I would be called out as not being “real” enough for either role.
I think you may have times like this too.
You don’t feel like you fit into what others think you should be – based on your role.
If I am a leader, I need to be more serious, I need to know the answer, I need to look a certain way, speak a certain way.
If I am a parent, I need to be more grounded, can’t look like I am having too much fun. I need to act more “nurturing” and “homely”.
Instead of being present, you act based on what you think you should be doing.
You try to “act the part” so that you look more legit.
It creates more doubts in your mind because you’re constantly wondering if you’re acting “your role”.
It restricts you from being yourself and clouds your mind.
Instead of getting closer to where you want to be, you feel like a fake, drift further away, and beat yourself up.
Let me tell you this, no matter how hard you try to act your part perfectly, you will still NOT please everyone.
This is just a fact of life.
Since you can’t please everyone anyway, why not live and work in a way that is true to you?
You don’t have to try too hard to “act your role”
Instead of worrying about “looking the part”, focus on delivering good work and learning along the way.
Different roles may require you to learn new skill sets.
Be humble, and learn those skills.
Yet, don’t confuse this with trying to “look the part” perfectly.
There’s no ONE RIGHT WAY to do the role well.
You are unique and you have valuable skill sets.
Your personality and your character are what give life to the role.
Not the other way around.
[FIRST NAME GOES HERE], allow yourself to make the role amazing. Amazingly YOU.
I am allowing myself to embrace that I am a mindfulness and leadership coach that doesn’t look like a “pure breed”.
I show up on a spectrum and there’s no ONE image that defines me.
I am one of a kind, and so are you.
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