“Have to” is a lie
What are some things that you feel like you “have to” do?
It was Monday and I remember waking up and the first thing that crossed my mind was “Oh, today I have to start writing content for my upcoming coaching program campaign”
Immediately, I felt a weight on my chest.
I felt resistance.
“Do I really have to do it?”
The first thing that came to mind was “Yes, you have to. Otherwise, you will not have enough clients and not earn enough.”
Yeah, makes sense. I have to do it.
At first glance, it does seem true.
Well, the thing is, it’s also not true.
I don’t “have to” do it.
No one is pointing a gun at my head to say “Hey, do it or else you will die.”
For money, I have the option of going back to corporate or joining a training company to be their coach/trainer.
That way, I don’t “have to” market my services.
The thing is, those options did not give me other things that I value.
The sense of fulfillment I received from coaching clients and journeying with them at a deeply personal level.
The energy freedom to read and attend courses in deepening my knowledge and skills.
The time freedom I have to care for and nurture myself – weekly acupuncture visits, dancing lessons, mid-day naps.
The creativity freedom to express myself without worrying if my words contradict with the “corporate image”
For the above, I chose to work on my own business, and with that, there is a bag of tasks that I may not 100% enjoy.
Yet, it’s still my choice.
Why am I sharing this with you?
It’s because I see people complaining about where they are without seeing that it’s actually a choice that they are making (sometimes, I do that too. I complain about how nice it is to just coach without having to do marketing)
“I have to listen and follow what my boss says, even if I think the direction is not right.”
“I have to stay on this job, even if I don’t particularly like it.”
“Urgh, I hate it. I have to go out and network with these people when I’d rather stay home and read.”
I know, all these don’t feel good.
The thing is, you are where you are because you made a choice.
Not acknowledging this will victimize you and make you feel helpless.
Perhaps, it was an unconscious choice but it was still a choice.
Maybe you are doing work that you didn’t like because you wanted income stability.
Maybe you refused to look for another role because you were comfortable with being familiar with your scope.
Maybe you followed your boss’ instructions because you weren’t confident in voicing up your own thoughts and wanted harmony.
Maybe you went out to network because you didn’t want to be left out.
There’s nothing wrong with making these choices, as long as you make them consciously.
Are you making conscious choices driven by your values?
Or are you taking action mindlessly, driven by what others think you “should” do or your fears and insecurities?
Perhaps you did not make a conscious choice to be where you are at.
However, now that you see this, you have a conscious choice to do something about it.
Doing something may be changing something externally – including changing jobs, speaking up, etc.
Doing something may also mean changing something internally – shifting your perspective and accepting that where you are is the best choice for now, no longer resisting and complaining.
The feeling that you “have to” do something is a lie.
It’s always a choice and it’s time to start taking responsibility for the choices that you’ve been making.
If you decide that the choices are serving you, that’s great. Make peace with it.
If you don’t like the choices that you have been making, start making changes.
I am here cheering you on :)
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