Stop setting dead people’s goals
Do you know what are some examples of dead people's goals?
“I don’t want to feel anxious anymore”
“I don’t want to feel sad anymore”
“I don’t want to get angry at him”
“I don’t want to doubt myself”
These are dead people's goals because only dead people won’t feel anxious, sad, angry, or doubtful.
You and I will have these emotions as long as we are alive.
When we are in pain because of these emotions, we tell ourselves that we want to get rid of these emotions.
Often, I have clients come to me and share a goal similar to the above.
The first thing I do is empathize, because I can feel how painful it must be for them.
Then, I educate. These aren’t the goals we will be working towards.
These goals are impossible. Humans have emotions.
As long as you love anything deeply, be it a person, or work that you care about, you will experience anxiety, hurt, disappointment, and doubt.
It’s not a question of if you will feel these feelings, it’s a question of when.
Thus, being fixated on NOT feeling these emotions will only add a layer of shame when you experience these inevitable emotions.
Instead, focus on what would you like to feel more of.
“I want to feel calmer.”
“I want to feel more at peace.”
“I want to feel more confident.”
Then, develop SKILLS that will help you feel this way.
Develop skills that will help you navigate the unpleasant emotions as they arise.
Instead of I don’t want to feel fear of speaking up, develop skills to speak up even if you are anxious
Instead of I don’t want to get angry, develop skills to notice your anger and manage your responses when you’re being triggered.
So, the key is not to run away or suppress it, but to face it.
Apply for a coaching discovery session today because you want to start facing your issues, set human goals and build skills that will help you thrive with more peace and confidence.
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