Are you being kind or just being nice as a leader?

Delivering results as an individual is simple. Things changed when I have to deliver results through other people. Being a manager and leader, I try as much as possible to be kind to my team. Guiding them, coaching them, and giving them feedback on how to be better.

My question to myself – have I been giving enough honest feedback?

I am a cheerleader. I love to applaud and cheer for my team. When they do a good job, I am generous in my compliment.

That makes me wonder, am I helping them? There was a wake-up call when I had to give an ultimatum to a non-performing employee. Ultimately, we have to deliver results. I wondered, did I give enough honest feedback to this person so that he/she is aware of the consequences?

I reflected upon my part in this. Why is it so difficult to give tough feedback? Maybe it’s because I am afraid that I will hurt their feelings. Maybe it’s because I am afraid that people will not like me. This reluctance - does it come from a place of kindness or a place of selfishness?

As a leader, I am here to groom and coach the people. Groom them to be better at their work and unleashing their potential. How can we deliver business results whilst still be compassionate and putting people first? It is much easier in theory and I am still learning how to incorporate them instead of treating them as separate matters.

All of us have our journey and path. Carl Rogers used to say that person-centered therapy is giving the person unconditional positive regard, being congruent, and shows an empathetic understanding. As a leader, these principles guide me too. Am I assuming the best intention for my team? Am I congruent and truly believing in what I say? Am I being empathetic to them?

I have learned that putting people first may not be telling them everything they like to hear. I learned that giving honest feedback is the kind thing to do so that the person can truly acknowledge where the gaps are and work towards it. If it is done with good intention, I have tried my best. It is still uncomfortable but it is necessary. It is easier to be nice but it does not serve the people I work with. I am grateful that my team appreciates that too.

Putting people first does not mean retaining them regardless. Perhaps it means sending them for training to build skill sets. Perhaps it’s rewarding them appropriately. Perhaps it’s letting them go to another place that fits them better. In this tough business environment, I shall continue to embody kindness and compassion. It is not easy, but I will keep learning.