Are you afraid of being too ordinary?
I finally found the answer to the nagging anxiety that accompanied me most of my life.
It made me compare with others constantly.
It made me feel indecisive about major life decisions.
It was my fear of being ordinary.
I came across this sentence twice in the past week – once in Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, and another time in a workshop called the Beautiful Glorious Ordinary Business.
Through reflecting, I realized I wasn’t just yearning for recognition. I was petrified of being ordinary.
I forgot since when, ordinary became bad.
Ordinary became not good enough.
Whenever I find myself not being one of the top, I felt insecure.
In school – it’s about being top 5 or top 10 of the year
At work – it’s about trying to be promoted as soon as possible – trying to set a record of being promoted to a certain level at the youngest age
It also happens in day-to-day interaction. Trying to say something smart or being the “best” in a meeting.
Yet, it’s still never enough.
Extraordinary becomes ordinary once it’s being achieved. It’s a never-ending race.
The scary thing about trying to be extraordinary in life is that there’s no ONE standardized benchmark.
This is where all kinds of comparison kicks in.
Unrealistic comparisons.
You may compare material possessions with this friend who just bought a new bag.
You may compare your success level with this ex-colleague who started a new business and doing really well.
You may compare your fitness level with your friend who just completed an Ironman race.
I recall comparing myself with Mark Zuckerberg and wonder – why didn’t I think of a multi-million dollar idea? (I know, it sounds funny but I often felt that I wasn’t smart enough in my 20s because I was often comparing myself with the Forbes 30 under 30 peeps)
Comparing myself with a friend who is doing social work in Kazakhstan and wonder – why wasn’t I saving the world?
I became very discontented and judgmental of what I have achieved and with what I have.
Looking back, I don’t blame myself.
I was young and being bombarded with glorified success of others with the rise of social media.
No one really openly cheered for the mom who took a step back in her career to look after her children.
No one really openly cheered for the everyday corporate man who is a caring leader for his team, has been doing good solid work for the past 15 years, and is a very hands-on dad to his young children.
No one cheered for the slow and steady.
The media glorified the fast and furious.
The media glorified the “youngest woman who founded a $1 billion company”
Instead, now I want to cheer for the everyday woman and man in my life!
I want to cheer for you!
No one wrote about the woman who lived an ordinary, honest life and felt peaceful.
I thought ordinary was not enough, until I realized how my pursuit of extraordinary is holding me back from doing things that I like and feel joyful about.
When I wanted to become a yoga teacher or a therapist 8 years ago, I felt a strong resistance.
On top of the financial insecurity, I felt that it was too ordinary.
It wasn’t the glorified career path.
I wanted something more “extraordinary” – maybe start a yoga teaching or mental health app.
I became greedy in feeding that need to be extraordinary.
I ignored what gave me a sense of joy within.
As I learn to embrace myself with more acceptance and compassion, I start to embrace that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary.
There’s beauty in being ordinary and sustainable.
There’s beauty in taking time to savor our moments.
What’s the rush to be extraordinary?
Besides – I am already unique. There’s no another ME.
There’s no another YOU.
So, now I no longer strive to be extraordinary through external achievements.
I want to do good solid work.
I want to go to my yoga classes 3 times a week.
I want to spend time cooking dinner for my family and having laughs over silly matters.
I want to grow my business at a pace that my body agrees with.
And, that’s enough.
If it looks “ordinary” on the outside, I no longer care.
I feel contented, joyful, purposeful, and at peace within.
I want to remind you that there’s nothing wrong with an ordinary life.
Take the pressure off to constantly be the “first”, the “best”, and the “special one”.
A lot of us fear not being special enough to stand out, be noticed, and be loved.
This is so wrong.
You are already special and loved.
Besides, there’s nothing ordinary about you because you’re unique.
Such is the paradox of life.
PS: Send this to a friend you care about because a shift in perspective sometimes help change lives
PPS: Apply for a coaching discovery session here because your ordinary life can be fulfilling and it is possible to thrive with more joy, peace and confidence.
Love,
TJ
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