The secret to turning off the negative voices in your head
This is the secret to turning off the negative voices in your head.
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The secret is that, you can't.
There’s NO way you can turn off the negative voices that seem to spontaneously arise in your head.
First of all, you didn’t choose these thoughts.
They come to you, as though with a life of their own.
You cannot turn off something that you did not deliberately turn on in the first place.
Really, take a moment and ask yourself.
Did you choose the negative thoughts and negative feelings?
Did you go “ahh.. today I want to think negative thoughts.”
I bet you didn’t.
This is where most people get stuck because they blame themselves for their negative thoughts.
They want to stop them from coming up but never seem to be able to do so.
They’re setting the wrong goal.
But stay with me, don’t be hopeless yet.
You’re not doomed to feel negative forever.
There’s something you CAN do.
They key is what happens AFTER the negative thought arise.
You CAN choose to acknowledge that this negative thought have arisen.
You CAN choose to remember that this negative thought is a thought, and it’s not YOU.
You CAN choose to not fuel the negative thoughts with MORE thoughts and rumination.
These, you can do.
Instead of spending hours and day brewing in the thought, resisting and wrestling with them, you can compassionately engage and move on within a much shorter timeframe.
The negative thoughts do not belong to you at this moment – they are an effect of your past, your habitual thought patterns, your parents’ imprint and social conditioning.
You don’t get to turn them off like a switch but you can loosen their grip on you.
In time, trust me, your inner voice will shift.
The negative voices will be softer and come less frequently.
It doesn’t happen overnight but it WILL happen.
Yet, remember that it’s an outcome of continuously being patient and compassionate with yourself.
You can’t force shut what comes up naturally with you.
What you can do is to accept their presence, be compassionate and then choose empowering thoughts.
3 things to remember:
You are not your thoughts. Be it negative, positive thoughts. You experience thoughts within you. You and your thoughts are separate entities.
Stop beating yourself up. You cannot choose when negative thoughts come to you. You’re only draining your energy when you blame yourself.
Stop wrestling with your negative thoughts and feelings. Allow them, feel them and listen to what they have to tell you. Not resisting, also not pursuing. Give them space to be heard, then make a choice on what will serve you.
These mindset shifts about your thoughts serve as the most important foundation for your mental and emotional well-being.
I know, it’s easier said than done.
Sometimes it can be scary to get close to your negative thoughts and feelings even though intellectually you know, resisting them don’t help.
You’re not alone, I’ve been there.
So, if you want to take it a step further to practice how to do that with support, explore coaching with me here. I will be holding a safe space for you and we will be doing practical exercises together so that you can learn this skill for yourself.
If you can already feel a difference with what you’ve learned from this article, I am so happy for you and I wish that you continue to strengthen this muscle.
May we all be well and be free from suffering.
Sharing a poem here:
"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
By Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
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