Lessons I learned when I felt like I failed
“So, you failed”
As I signed the offer letter to become the Head of Category Strategy & Development on June 2020, this voice came up.
Yes, I was relieved that I landed on a great role and that I no longer had to worry about finances during the pandemic. I was genuinely grateful.
Yet, I can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed.
Only 1.5 years prior, I announced to the world that I was quitting my amazing career at P&G to start my own mindfulness training business.
After 8 years of building my corporate career, leading the regional market strategy & planning team, I decided to be an entrepreneur. There were tempting offers to stay but I said no.
“This is my dream and I will pursue it wholeheartedly”
So, when I signed the offer letter to re-join the corporate world 1.5 years later, there was a sense that I failed in building my business.
I wondered –“what would my ex-colleagues think of me? Would they think that I was a fluke? Were they thinking “I told you so”?”
The voice continued “You’re just not strong enough. Look at others, they can weather through the pandemic. You are just too weak and scared. You are just saying this is your dream. Perhaps, you didn’t even want this that badly.”
At that moment, I decided to make space for these voices by journaling, letting all these critical thoughts spill onto the paper.
After I allowed myself to express freely, I took another deep breath, breathing in kindness & love into my body.
I asked myself – "from a place of Love, what do I need to hear?" I let my pen flow again.
“You have done your best you knew how. This is not the end. This is a journey. No one can take away what matters deeply to your heart.
Joining corporate again does not mean you failed. It’s what you need at this moment to give you more space. It’s what you need right now to support you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Do your best, and remember that you can embody the values wherever you go. You are loved and I trust that you can keep going.
No one, no one can take your gift away from you.”
As I wrote these words, tears streamed down my face. I did not fail. I was ready to accept my decision with compassion. I allowed myself to give my best to my new role and continue on my journey of coaching & mindfulness.
Fast forward 2.5 years, I had an amazing time leading the Category Strategy team and had since grown my coaching & training business steadily on the side. I gave both my best. I believe my team, my manager, my stakeholders and my clients would agree.
Looking back, I learned a few very important lessons in this journey.
1. Which voice I listened to will direct my energy & actions differently
When my inner critic was in charge, I felt dreadful and ashamed. I felt that I should just give up. I had no mental and emotional space. All I did was feel bad for myself and my inadequacy. I was focusing on what could have been and how I didn’t do better.
When I invited a more loving voice to speak within, I felt compassionate and tender for the pain I was going through. I felt acknowledged and I had hope. That opened up more space for me to believe that it is still possible to pursue my dream, and that this isn’t the end of the world. I was able to focus on what can I do next instead.
So, be mindful of which voice you are listening to.
2. Everyone’s journey is different, and YOURS matters the most.
I have always looked up to entrepreneurs who are amazing risk-takers and took huge leaps of faith. I often blamed myself for not being courageous enough.
Then, I realize that it wasn’t the case. I am just different from them. Yes. I can learn from them but I do not have to force myself to take the exact same path and have the exact same qualities. I am an individual with unique life experiences & qualities.
I started to be really honest to myself. Although it sounds less sexy, transitioning is a much better strategy to build the foundation of my business compared to just taking leaps of faith to the unknown. Accepting this allowed me to be kinder to my own journey instead of judging myself.
So, it is important that you understand your working style and make the best out of your unique journey. Your journey will not be linear and it will be beautifully messy.
3. There’s no failure, only learning. Get support in the process.
This is something that I really struggle with.
All my life, I cannot accept failure and would do my best to be one of the top. As a consequence, I played safe. I did what I knew I was good at. I got better at what I I was good at. I became hyper-independent, not asking for support.
The thing is, what I wanted to do for my business is completely new territory to me. I was selling consumer products in a Fortune 500 company with an amazing team & support. Then, I was selling services by myself with little to no support. I did not actively seek out support that can pave me toward success.
When my business did not take off as I expected it to, I was panicking. I was already labelling “failure” in my mind and that led to procrastination, more fear & reluctance.
After I started working with a coach, I learned about what worked and didn’t work for me in my business. As I start to implement what I learned, I became more confident and my business grew. I truly appreciated the importance of support and it accelerated my business instead of me suffering silently alone.
Now, I am no longer that afraid to fail. I allow myself to experiment and it has brought so much more creative and fresh energy to my work.
Remember, as long as you don’t give up, you did not fail. You learn.
Also, remember that you don’t have to do it alone.
4. Don’t care about what others might think of your experience.
When I was ruminating about what my ex-colleagues would think about my “failed business”, I realize that this was my projection. People were really too busy in their lives to pay attention. I was putting myself in misery.
People who truly love you will support you in your decision. If there are sarcastic comments coming your way, these people don’t deserve your time and attention anyway.
Today, I am proud of the journey I had so far and I am excited (sometimes nervous!) about what’s ahead. It has been a bumpy ride and I believe that the road ahead will continue to have twists and turns. What I know deep down is that it will all work out, as long as I continue to grow, be honest & compassionate to myself, and ask for support along the way.
If you feel that you have failed in some way or the other, know that you are not alone. You are seen.
Much love,
TJ
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