Do you feel…okay?
“How are you feeling now?”
“Not too bad”
“How are you truly feeling now?”
“I guess, I am okay. Not great, but okay”
I looked at my client as she struggles to find words to describe her feelings. We were talking about something that has been on her mind for the past week.
I could see that she is not really okay.
Her facial expression was tense, her lips pursed.
I chose my words carefully.
“Correct me if I am wrong, it sounds like you feel hurt and neglected by what happened on Monday”
She looked down for a moment and when she looked back up, her eyes welled up with tears.
Then, she started to nod and say, “yes, yes… that’s how I feel.” with tears streaming down her face.
From there, we opened the door towards deeper self-exploration - what those emotions meant to her, what are her needs, and how she can nurture those needs.
At the end of the session, she looked much more relieved and had a much better idea about what was causing her misery and how she can start freeing herself.
This, is the power of being able to articulate our emotions.
When our emotions are acknowledged, we feel seen and understood.
Then, and only then we can start to get closer to the core of ourselves.
Having better clarity about my feelings helps me be clearer about my needs and what actions can help to address that.
It helps me to communicate better with my loved ones, helping them to understand my need better too. Vice versa, I can understand my partner better too.
It is very empowering.
I find it to be the foundation for building a better relationship with myself and others.
Unfortunately, we are not exposed to a wide range of vocabulary to describe emotions.
We learn about business jargon but we are not taught to be familiarized with emotions. Thus, it is very important that we expand our emotional vocabulary.
Instead of I feel “good”, or I feel “bad”, go deeper.
This is because “good” and “ok” are not truly words that describe your emotions.
You may refer to this emotion wheel (credit to The Junto Institute) and take a moment now to ask yourself, how do I feel now?
Credit: The Junto Institute
Start from the middle and work your way out the wheel.
Getting in touch and familiarizing yourself with your emotions is a practice, a muscle that can be strengthened.
So, every day, take 1 minute.
Pause and reflect – how do I feel today?
It may seem simple, yet it can be life-changing.
Try it this week.
Much love,
TJ
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