How do you move on from mistakes?
Have you ever made a mistake and it keeps lingering around in your mind?
Perhaps it’s something you have said, something you missed out on, something that could’ve been done better.
“If only I had checked again..”
“How could I say that?”
“What are they going to think about me?”
“I shouldn’t have made that mistake…”
Some mistakes would be like a broken record in my mind, playing on and on.
I would feel something pressing against my chest whenever I think about that mistake I make.
It is as though my mind is trying to make the mistake go away by thinking really hard about it.
Logically, I know I cannot turn back time but the mind seems to get stuck in that loop, not willing to let go.
So, the fear of making mistakes kept me safe until the day when I realized, I was staying in my comfort zone for far too long.
When I was avoiding making mistakes, I was playing too safe. I craved for growth and taking risks. Yet, I was afraid.
That’s when I realize I needed to learn how to recover and move on from mistakes if I really wanted to pursue things that truly matter to me.
In my journey, I find these learnings being very helpful and I hope you may also learn a tip or two here to support you.
Think of a mistake you have made recently that bothered you.
1. Imagine your close friend coming to you for advice after making the exact same mistake, feeling sad and disturbed. What would you tell her?
Often, we are so hard on ourselves that it colors our judgment. Personally, I find it so much easier to forgive the slip-ups of others and so much more difficult to forgive myself when I was the one who did it less perfectly.
When I am looking at the lens through a friend’s experience, I would be much more objective, seeing things as it is, and clarity ensues.
So, try it. What would you tell your dear friend? Listen to that wisdom.
2. Will this mistake matter in a week’s time? A month’s time? A year’s time? 5 years’ time?
If it doesn’t matter in the bigger scheme of things, allow yourself to let it go. The issue often looks humongous when we stare at it too closely.
Step back, and see the bigger picture.
3. You may tell yourself “I am allowed to make mistakes.”
This is my favorite paradigm shift. Often, we keep replaying the mistake in our minds because we are resisting the fact that it happened. We are convinced that it SHOULDN’T have happened.
When I heard this statement for the first time, I resisted it, thinking - “How could I allow it? If I allow myself to make mistakes, I will KEEP making mistakes and what a downhill slippery slope that is!" It’s as though we have to constantly beat ourselves up to ensure we don’t slip again.
The thing is, it’s not true.
Accepting and allowing a mistake that has been made does not mean that you are telling yourself to repeat the same mistake, or start making mistakes deliberately.
Instead, you are giving yourself room to learn from the mistake.
What has happened, already happened. Resisting it will not change the past.
Create space within by allowing and forgiving yourself (It will take some practice but trust me, this is life changing)
We are human, after all.
4. Ask yourself – “What can I learn from this?”
Take a moment to mentally note or write down what is your learning. It is often helpful to bring closure in your heart so that you are moving on with an insight, a learning.
However, to do so lovingly, one must be willing to forgive oneself (thus no. 3 above is really, really important)
Know that living a perfect life, a life with no mistakes is nothing to be proud of. It just means that no risks have been taken, and growth opportunities are hampered.
Let yourself take risks, allow yourself to fall at times, and get the support needed to weather through.
You are worthy, even when you make mistakes.
Much love,
TJ
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