When you stop comparing, you start seeing yourself
During my 1 month break to nurture my body, I did not scroll much on social media.
I just didn’t have the energy to.
Recently, I started to ease back into work and my social media usage increased.
Guess what I noticed?
I can feel the nagging anxiety arising within. The heart not being at ease.
Ahhh, the gremlin of comparison.
It’s always lurking somewhere within me, measuring me up against others who are seemingly “rocking it” in life.
I know this trap too well.
It is amazing at distracting me from focusing on what’s most important to me and instead prompts me to keep scrolling through social media to numb the anxiety feeling. It’s a vicious cycle.
The good thing is, I have learned to be aware when I fall into comparison mode and gently guide myself back to focus on what’s within my circle of control.
Today, I want to remind you that you have your comparison gremlin in you too. Sometimes lurking within you without you being aware of it.
The part of you that constantly compares you with the others.
The “calmer” mom, the more “successful” friend, the “happier” cousin, the “fitter” colleague, the more “loving” relationship.
Let me tell you, their lives are not perfect either.
I know, you know this as well.
Everyone knows that what’s being portrayed on social media never represents 100% of the truth.
The tricky part is that even though we know this intellectually, it’s hard not to compare when you haven’t built the muscle to acknowledge yourself.
Let me remind you today, that you are extraordinary in your way, and you don't need to measure your worth against anyone else.
You have your unique strengths, gifts, and experiences.
You are not meant to be like anyone else, and your path to success and fulfillment is going to be different.
How to build your inner reservoir of confidence that supports you when your comparison gremlin rears its head?
1. Celebrate your success, no matter how small it is:
Don't wait for a major achievement to acknowledge your worth. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small it may seem.
Yesterday, I celebrated that I did 15 minutes of workout, and today, I am celebrating that I delivered a Mindfulness training.
These are not huge achievements by external measures yet they are my steps forward.
After a month of not being able to go through the day without feeling nausea or headache, these are my wins!
What is one tiny step forward would you like to celebrate today?
Don't worry, celebrating your success will not make you too proud or arrogant. Trust me.
2. Acknowledge your skills and talents:
No one can be great at EVERYTHING.
We all have our own set of skills and talents. Whether it's your ability to connect with people, your creative flair, or your analytical mind, these talents are your gifts.
If you are stumped with what your skills and talents are, think about what are some of the positive feedback that you’ve received in the past.
Think about when are you most engaged and time just flows by, like you are in the “zone”.
When you are clearer about what you are good at and you embrace them, you don’t have to be envious of others’ great qualities.
They can be capable, and so are you.
It’s not a zero-sum game.
3. Practice self-compassion:
Seriously, we are all way too harsh on ourselves.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.
You deserve it too.
When you feel down, I invite you to think of your closest friend going through something similar -
What will you tell him or her? What advice or words will you offer?
My words to my beloved friend are always kinder than how I speak to myself.
Try it - speak it out loud or write it down and see for yourself.
When I feel like I have a hard time being kind to myself, I do this and instantly, perspective shifts. I have more space to think clearly.
4. Review your goals:
Rather than striving to catch up and constantly feel like you’re missing out, it’s important to pause, step back, and ask yourself,
What’s important to me now? What are my short-term goals to support that?
I set out to have ambitious Q4 goals for my business at the beginning of the year. Life took a different turn and as I reviewed my Q4 goals, they no longer resonate with me.
So, I changed them and I feel much more relieved. I made choices.
You will go through different phases in your life. It’s important that you are aware of what your priorities are and allow yourself to let go or go slow on certain priorities.
Filling up your plate with more and more goals without checking in with your capacity and priorities is a recipe for burnout and dissatisfaction.
(psst, it’s also a recipe for numbing techniques such as binge-watching Netflix or scrolling social media because your nervous system is feeling too stressed)
5. Seek support and guidance:
It’s okay to reach out for support when self-doubt and anxiety creep in. It’s normal.
You can surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, mentors, and coaches who can remind you of your unique gifts and capabilities.
Those that “see” you when you forget your gifts.
Reach out to them, and connect with them.
It’s much better than just “liking” motivational quotes on Instagram.
Remember this,
You are not falling behind just because others are moving ahead.
Self-doubt and anxiety may linger, but they don't define you.
Your unique gifts, experiences, and passions are what make you, you.
You are a whole human being with different facets of life, different roles, and no one, absolutely no one can live your life better than you.
Even if you don't feel like it at the moment, you have everything within you to thrive as a human being.
Don't get so caught up in comparing yourself with others that you forget to live a full life for yourself.
You've got this.
PS: If you would like to start living a wholehearted life that is true to you and not defined by what others expect you to, apply for a coaching discovery session here because you deserve to thrive with meaning, joy and courage.
Love,
TJ
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