Are you always comparing yourself with others?

I was away for 2 weeks to spend some quiet time in one of India’s monastery. It was a very beautiful & simple experience. It gave me a chance to reconnect deeply with myself and the simple pleasures around me.

My favorite tree on my post lunch stroll

There is beauty in slowing down, if we just pay attention

While I was there, I was using minimal social media. When I do, I saw news of my colleague celebrating receiving awards & recognition. I smiled and felt so proud of her. I have known her for years and seen her come a long way.

Then, I paused.

I noticed something very different. I noticed that I did not immediately start judging myself for not doing enough. I did not feel a twist in my gut nor my chest tightening.

Last time, when I see other progress, instinctively I feel that I am falling behind. This is especially so if the person is of similar age or used to be my junior.

I felt that instantly I need to do more, be more.

At times, I would feel envious too. I do not feel proud of feeling jealous because it did not make me feel like a good person. I am supposed to feel happy for others. Yet I couldn’t deny how I felt.

So, I asked myself, what has shifted?

Last time, I used to compare myself with almost everyone. There’s always an invisible ruler on whether I am ahead of behind. In this time and age of social media where we often see the glorious side of others, it’s so easy to compare and judge ourselves. I am not talking about just work. It can include whether I am as fit or hardworking; whether I am as good a wife or daughter.

It was exhausting. It also made me feel small at times.

Now, I noticed that I am much clearer about my values and what’s important to me. Instead of comparing myself with everyone’s progress, I was more focused on whether I was doing what I can on my path.

Others winning doesn’t mean I am losing.

I can see that we all have our timing and path. It’s not a competition. Besides, what others are achieving may not be what I really want after all!

Of course, I still feel the “smallness” at times. When I am aware of that, I catch it and choose to rejoice instead. If you cannot rejoice in other’s success yet, it’s okay. You can start by not beating yourself up first.

Remember, you are not falling behind just because others are advancing. You can still go at your own pace. We are no longer in school, there’s no grading system for life.

It’s okay if you take your time to meet that suitable life partner; It’s okay if you take the time to have a baby; It’s okay if you decide to take it slow at your corporate job to focus on your family or vocation; It's okay if you decide to have a career change or start a new business in your mid 30s/40s.

What matters is when you reach the end of your life, do you feel that you have lived a life honest to yourself. Don’t be so busy comparing yourself with others that you forget to live a full life, for yourself.

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