Empower yourself with this mindset shift

When was the last time you felt you have to do something?

“I have to come back to work. I wish I could stay longer..”

This is what I was automatically telling others when they were asking why I didn’t stay longer in India. I was staying there for 10 days while many were staying there for more than 30 days for the retreat.

After I said it a couple of times to different people, I caught myself feeling heavy. I felt that I was missing out.

Then, I reflected. Is it really true that I “have to” come back to work? Or is it that I “choose to” come back to work?

If I was very honest with myself, I chose to.

I choose to return to work because I valued the financial security and joy it provided me. I decided to prioritize work at this moment and chose not to take 30 days off. Was it the right thing to do? There’s no definitive answer. It was the right decision for me at that point.

When I acknowledge that, instantly I feel more empowered. I no longer feel like a victim in my circumstance. I feel lighter and less dreadful. I also feel more excited to be back.

There is power in acknowledging that we have a choice.

It sounds very obvious and seems like a no-brainer. However, I occasionally catch myself forgetting it.

It’s not always easy to take personal responsibility for our choices. At times, It’s easier to complain and blame the circumstances or other people but there’s a price to pay. Emotions can become tense and relationships can get strained when we start to operate from a space of “blame”. I would become more impatient and easily irritated when I feel that I “have to” do something.

Here are some of my “have-to”s in my journey and how I gained clarity when I took personal responsibility:

“I have to do the house chores” – I choose to do house chores because I value a clean environment and I find arranging for part-time maids troublesome.

“I have to take on this additional project because my boss asked me to” – I choose to take on this project to widen my horizon and I choose to help my team because I can.

“I have to exercise” – I choose to exercise as doing so makes me feel more energized and feel good about myself.

“I have to take care of my parents” – I choose to take care of my parents because I love them dearly and I don’t want to regret it when they are no longer around.

Sometimes, by remembering that I have a choice, I chose not to do it at all!

“I have to meet my friends” – I choose not to meet my friends because I want to have a quiet night in and recuperate

“I have to take this role” – I choose not to take this role because it's not aligned with my personal priorities right now

“I have to exercise” – I choose not to exercise today because my body is feeling very tired

There’s no absolute right or wrong.

The important thing is to pause and reflect upon your choice. When you don’t do so, you go on autopilot mode and wonder what is making you feel so drained.

The notion of “have to” implies that you have no choice. When you go about your life thinking that you “have to” do something, it’s easy to feel trapped and bitter.

When you take personal responsibility and be really honest with yourself, you start to feel empowered. The journey to get there may be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. You start to make peace with yourself.

Now, take a moment and ask yourself,

What are the “have-to”s in your life? Write them down.

What will it sound like if you craft those sentences with “I choose...”

How does that feel? What shifted for you?

Notice that and remember, you have a choice.

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