A capable woman’s blindspot when striving for her goals

It was one of those evenings when I was scrolling through my feed and saw an acquaintance celebrating her business milestone. As I see her talk about her journey and milestone, I felt small. Yes, I wanted to celebrate another person’s success but if I am being completely honest, I was focusing more on myself and how I haven’t been living up to my dreams.

“What have I not done enough?” I asked myself.

I enjoyed my corporate job but I also wanted to do more in the space of coaching and emotional well-being. That’s where I feel most alive.

So, I tried multiple ways to make it work. I read books and attended courses. Many books and expensive courses. I would also consider myself a disciplined & capable woman.

However, the coaching work always gets deprioritized on the back-burner. I became frustrated with myself for talking about it all the time and not achieving the results I wanted. Was I not trying hard enough?

That night, a thought crossed my mind “If what you have been doing for the past few years hasn’t been giving you the results you want, you need something different.” `

All along, I have tried to figure it all out by myself. I felt that if it’s to be, it’s up to me. If I cannot find out a way, it means that I am not trying hard enough. There will be times I feel that my problems are insignificant and that it did not even cross my mind to share with others or ask for support.

So, what else have I not tried?

"Asking for direct support in this area.”

When this thought crossed my mind, I wanted to just brush it off immediately. I am always the hyper-independent person solving problems, I am the tough one.

Yet, I know that I would regret it if I do not start doing things differently. That was when I realized, that perhaps I, alone is not enough. It wasn’t a comfortable realization at all.

In the end, I hired a coach for myself with skepticism. It wasn’t an easy decision, letting go of my inner ego. Deep down, I had a feeling that this probably won’t help much.

3 months down, I was so glad to be proven wrong. Through working with my coach, I gained much more clarity. I never truly lacked discipline. It was certain limiting beliefs that held me back. Having my coach to support me in working through my limiting beliefs made me feel less lonely and supported. I was able to take action which led to results that made my heart feels so full. My coaching practice continues to grow and I am so grateful that I get to do more of this work. It made me feel much more energetic in my corporate job too because I no longer carry the guilt around within me.

As I looked back, I realize that my biggest blindspot was not asking for support earlier. If I was more willing to talk about my challenges and seek support, I would have figured out my way sooner.

Now that I am aware of this, I learned two valuable lessons.

1. You don’t have to figure it out all by yourself and do it alone.

This illusion of “you must do it all by yourself, otherwise, you’re not legit” is actually holding you back from getting the support and guidance needed to help make you great. I have been there so I know that asking for support can be very uncomfortable, almost like I am admitting that I am weak. I am here to tell you that this is not true. Seeking support is not weak. Instead, it’s a sign of courage. Don’t let your ego get in the way of pursuing what matters most to you. I am still strong & independent, and I have learned to lean in on support to help me move forward with more ease.

What you can do: Give yourself permission to get support. Reach out. You’re not alone in your journey of growth. Be it physical, emotional, or spiritual growth. If there’s a fitness goal that keeps reappearing on your new year’s resolution, consider joining an accountability group or getting yourself a personal trainer. If you feel held back from achieving your business goals, consider reaching out to a mentor or coach. You may be surprised by what you invite into your life.

2. Your challenges are not insignificant.

Sometimes, you may feel that your challenges are insignificant and that you just have to suck them up and deal with them. Please don’t feel this way. Your challenges are important enough. They may not be life & death concerns but they are important to you. So, treat your challenges with respect and care. Share them with someone you trust. It will make you feel less lonely and maybe, you will get an insight or a resource that will help. You are never alone. There is someone who may be going through the same thing or have gone through what you’re going through.

What you can do: If you find yourself brushing off a concern or challenge thinking that it’s too small to share with anyone, pause. Honor it. Allow yourself to share it with someone you trust.

Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. You can be strong and still receive support. At the end of the day, you’ll be grateful that you are making meaningful progress towards what’s most important to you.

PS: If you find this helpful, share this to a friend who may need to hear this. Let them know that they are not alone too. If you need support yourself, feel free to reach out to me.