A letter to the strong, driven & heart-centered woman who feels unfulfilled
Dear you,
I know that you haven’t been feeling very happy. It seems like you have it all on the outside but you are feeling a nagging unease within.
You worked hard, climbed the corporate ladder for years & received promotions. You have money to splurge on the occasional fancy meal and trip. It all seems perfect on the outside.
You should be feeling very happy, at ease, and peaceful.
Yet, you don’t feel fulfilled.
You feel tightness in your body when others praise you. You felt that they don’t know anything about you.
You go through moments wondering what’s wrong with you and these stories sound familiar to you.
“Why can’t I just be grateful and be happy?
Why do I think so much about whether my work feels fulfilling?
If only I were a simple woman, enjoy what I already have, focus on my career, climb the ladder and be happy. So many people would kill to be in my shoes.
I am good at what I am doing, earning a good living. What more do I want? I am ungrateful”
Sometimes, it can feel like a curse that’s torturing you from within. You’re not alone. I have been through this and I want to tell you certain things I wish I knew back then.
1. Having this inner yearning doesn’t mean that you’re “thinking too much”
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not being ungrateful or thinking too much. You can be grateful for what you currently have AND build a more fulfilling life.
In fact, I want to celebrate you.
Many people distract themselves and never reflect upon how to live a more fulfilled life or do purposeful work. The distraction can come in the form of an expensive purchase; a relaxing getaway; or keeping themselves busy to get the next promotion. These fulfillments are often short-lived and need another boost when the tank within feels low again. It’s a never-ending cycle. When is it ever enough?
The fact that there’s a voice within saying that this cannot be “it” is your inner message to guide you closer to a more fulfilled life. Instead of a curse, it’s a precious gift. Instead of distracting yourself from it, let it grow.
2. Lean into your body & feelings.
Your feelings are valid. The unease, the frustrations. They are not troublesome. In fact, your feelings act as your guide in navigating this world filled with “should” and “expectations”. They bring you closer to what truly matters to you.
If you refuse to acknowledge and suppress it, you are at war with yourself. You may find yourself on the edge and not at peace. You may even start to develop signs of self-sabotaging your career growth in the forms of strong emotional blocks and self-doubt.
Instead of brushing it away, listen to the heart.
I know that at times, you are not even sure if the heart knows what it wants. When you ask within, you don’t hear much. For too long, the heart is being silenced. The thought of following your heart may even feel scary as your mind has dominated decision-making for most of your life.
Don’t be discouraged. Your heart has a voice. We all have one. We are just too used to ignoring it.
So, lean inwards and pay attention to your body and feelings.
What are the moments that bring up joy within you and make your body feels light? What are the moments that immediately send a heavy rock down your gut and your heart tightens?
These are your valuable message from within. Your feelings don’t lie. Once given space, they will speak to you and unfold what’s truly important to you.
3. Don’t quit your job YET
Does it mean that you have to quit your job, do the soul-searching, eat-pray-love thing to find what’s truly important to you?
My advice is a big fat NO. Especially if you have been guided by a strong mind, powered by achievement & financial security your whole life. (Note: this advice does not apply if you are in a toxic working environment that is impacting your mental & emotional well-being)
Quitting your job and traveling around the world may work for some people, but it certainly does not work for me who had severe financial insecurities growing up in a prudent Asian household. When I quit my job thinking that I will discover THE fulfilling path, I felt so insecure that I cannot relax and allow myself space to discover what truly matters to me. It made me even more frustrated and scared.
My learning is that taking drastic actions is not the answer if you don’t understand yourself.
So, instead of just pulling the plug, allow yourself space to do the inner work. You need to learn to be honest with yourself and gain clarity on what matters to you first. Then, and only then you can feel more confident in taking meaningful actions.
4. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Get genuine support.
Those who have not been through what you’re going through will not understand your pain. You’re not too naïve. You’re not ahead of yourself. Your parents and seniors may love you with their hearts, but they may not fully understand you and their advice may not be the best for you.
Deep down, you know what you need. You just need to learn to be honest with yourself. It may mean that you have to step out of your comfort zones and stretch yourself. It’s very uncomfortable and that’s why you don’t have to do it all alone.
I tried figuring it out myself for years through books, retreats, and teachings. They all helped. What truly supported me to take meaningful action is having the support of my coach & like-minded people by my side. Having someone actively believing in me, and holding space for me as I discover myself allowed me to really move forward in doing purposeful work and crafting my fulfilling life.
“Work makes up the majority of our waking hours and I cannot imagine a better life than dedicating myself to purposeful work.”
There, these are the things I wish I knew when I was struggling with my doubts and unease within. I am grateful that I never gave up. Coming to where I am is not a straight line and wasn’t all rosy. Yet, it was very worth it.
I nurtured this seed within for the past decade and now it’s blossoming. I am much more at peace doing work that I am proud of from within, regardless of whether there’s external recognition.
Most importantly, I believe I am at peace with myself because I am living my truth.
So, I invite you to honor your unease, honor your doubt. They are there for a reason.
You don’t have to figure this out all by yourself. I have been through this cycle before and I am here to support you in getting closer to living a fulfilled life.
Much Love,
TJ
