My secret to cultivating long-lasting habit
On January 1st, you might have felt the energy to start doing something new.
It’s the season of new beginnings, after all.
Perhaps, there’s a desire to build a new habit; or revisit an old routine that lost its way.
It could be meditating every day, running 3 times a week, or eating wholesome food.
You might have your hesitation – feeling that you have tried doing it before, and you didn’t stick to it last year. Can you do it again?
Anyway, you tell yourself - perhaps, this is the year and I am rooting for you!
Though, let’s be honest. Building habits isn’t easy.
You want to be disciplined and see uninterrupted success streaks *******
However, you are only human, and most likely, you do not live in complete isolation.
There will be times when you have to skip your gym because you are preparing for an urgent work presentation.
There will be times you did not eat as healthily because you are out having dinner with your friend whom you haven’t met for 2 years.
When that happens, I often notice blame and guilt arising within.
The more motivated one is in the beginning, the more guilt one experiences.
“Oh, I have fallen off track. I should have been more disciplined. Why is it so difficult for me to keep up with it? Maybe I am just not cut out for this”
As the voice continues to beat you up, the guilt starts to brew.
It takes much more effort to get back to the habit you want to build because there’s so much negative voice and energy around it.
The voice gets harsher every time you miss your commitment towards yourself. “See? You failed again.”
The negative energy surrounding it creates a heavy weight around the heart.
Instead of getting back to the activity enthusiastically, there may be reluctance. Procrastination then occurs, leading you into a negative spiral.
By the 5th or 10th time, you feel so defeated by the voice and feel that it’s better that you give up altogether.
Now, on top of discipline, tips & hacks to build habits, one of the most important ingredients to successfully build long-term habits for me is:
Self-Kindness
It is so important yet often unmentioned.
Building a long-term habit is not about having perfect streaks. It’s also about having the capacity to get back to it when you deviate.
How do you build that capacity?
Allow yourself to be kind to yourself when you miss your planned activity for the day/week.
Allow yourself to be kind to yourself when you are still building the habit.
Allow yourself to be kind when you “fall off the bandwagon”
Just get back to it the next day or next week.
Sounds so simple right? However, it’s not that easy.
Somehow, we believe that we have to “punish” ourselves when we miss our commitment.
You might ask – “what if I continue to slack further and further should I become kinder to myself? I must discipline myself.”
My question is – how important is that goal and habit to you?
If it’s important enough, trust that you will want to do it.
If it’s not important, let it go.
There is no need to beat yourself up and blame yourself when you deviate from your path.
The important thing to remember is that every day, you are given a new chance to get back to it.
Over the years, I have built many different habits.
The habit of working out, meditating and journaling, to name a few.
When I only used brute force and discipline to form habits, I felt angry at myself whenever I miss my commitment. It drained me mentally and emotionally.
As I learned to be compassionate to myself and remember the power of getting back to it, I keep getting back.
If I did not manage to meditate today, I will get back to it tomorrow.
As the energy is much less hostile, I procrastinate less and I am more eager to get back to it.
I am no longer led by a strict & harsh disciplinarian within. (she's still somewhere in me, though not taking charge completely)
I am led within with more kindness and love.
I have forgotten how many times I must have missed my meditation days over the last 10 years. What I do know is, I am still meditating today because I keep getting back to it.
When you miss a day or weeks, offer kindness and tell yourself “it’s okay. I can get back to it.”
Try it out this year as you build your routines and habits.
If you are interested to learn more about the tips and hacks for building habits, I strongly recommend this book - Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Remember, whatever tips and hacks you learned. Apply them with self-kindness (:
I am cheering you on!
Much love,
TJ
NEWSLETTER
Subscribe to my newsletter for more stories, tips & ideas on how to thrive with more confidence & joy
