3 things you need to STOP doing to achieve your dreams
It was December 2017 and I was reflecting upon my year. I flipped through my journal and stopped on a page dated January 10th 2017.
As I looked at my handwritten note, my heart tightened.
Two of the personal goals I set out to do were to write 1 article a month and conduct bi-monthly mindfulness circles. I really wanted to start building a training & coaching business focusing on emotional well-being after years of practice.
Yet, I didn’t do it. I wrote only 3 articles that year and hosted 2 mindfulness circles. I was barely inching towards my dream. Where did the time go? What was I doing the whole year?
Then, the inner voices started to bubble up.
“You should have been more disciplined”
“You were too chill”
“You weren’t focused enough”
“You are lazy”
These made my tummy turn. I felt frustrated.
Indeed, how hard can it be? It was just 1 article a month! How hard can it be?
I blame myself and believed that my inner voice was right. There must be something wrong.
I turned around and told my then ex-boyfriend (now husband) “I cannot be so lazy anymore, I must get this done.” I did not say that it was about my own work, not my corporate job.
He looked up and said – “Huh? how are you lazy? You are one of the most committed people at work I know. If my people work like you, I’d be so happy”
Then, it hit me.
That’s true. I give my 100% at my corporate job.
I would not miss a deadline and I gave it my all.
I will never disappoint others and would strive to meet or even exceed expectations.
So why is it so difficult to meet these goals that I have set for myself? Perhaps, some of you are just like me.
It’s so much easier to meet deliverables from others and put aside your own goals. You are not alone. I see you, especially if you have been a high achiever and thrived on external recognition.
I decided it was time to change. I do not want to be stuck in this cycle anymore and blame myself for not achieving goals that mattered deeply to me. Enough was enough.
Today, I have a thriving coaching practice doing work that I love. It wasn’t an overnight success. I had to stop doing these 3 things to help me achieve my goals.
Stop prioritizing meeting others’ expectations ahead of your own dreams.
I know, it almost feels like a sin to say No to others. You are a nice person, you will do it if you can. You will do all you can to meet others’ expectations. Nothing less than 100%.
Sometimes, even when you give 100%, you will still feel that you’re not doing enough.
What you’re forgetting is that you and your goals are important too. You are worthy to be prioritized. Your goals are not “small” or less significant compared to what others expect of you.
If you are always putting others’ priorities ahead of your own, it’s easy to keep putting your own projects on the back burner.
“I will come back to this AFTER I am done doing this… and this..” The thing is, the list of things that needs to be done, that is demanded of us will never end.
Instead of beating yourself up for not being good enough, start to treat your goals with respect & importance. This is a huge shift in mindset. When you start prioritizing your own dream, you will see that you will make space for it.
2. Stop saying that you’re lazy
Have you been showing up at work? If yes, you are not lazy.
The fact that you clicked on this title means that you have the desire to grow and be a better version of yourself. The fact that you show up to work is proof that you’re not lazy.
Being lazy is often an excuse for ourselves when we doubt - when we are not sure how to start or not sure if that’s what we truly want.
When you lack clarity, it feels difficult to approach the work and it’s easy to put it aside. Besides, if you hold onto certain beliefs such as “I am not cut out for this” or “who am I to do this” – the inner resistance to take action is very strong.
You can blame yourself for procrastinating and being lazy. However, that will not bring you anywhere. The danger of believing that you’re lazy is that you will start to feel frustrated and angry at yourself. It will drain your energy further and pull you further away from your goals. In the end, you will still be going around in circles.
What is helpful is to really understand the underlying reason that you’re not taking action consistently. What are the beliefs you are holding on? Do you have clarity? If you are unsure, it’s time to do the work of figuring this out instead of dismissing yourself.
3. Stop trying to do it all by yourself
Since it’s your goal and your dream, often you feel that you must do it by yourself. You also feel that you must at least have some progress first before asking for support. You feel that you don’t even deserve to ask for support since you haven’t done your part yet.
“If only I am more disciplined, I can do it. “
The thing is, if you haven’t been able to do it by yourself for the past year or past few years meant that something needs to be changed. It’s not about whipping yourself and being even harder on yourself.
“Doing the same thing again and again, expecting different results is insanity” – Albert Einstein.
I was stuck in this insanity for years because I was so stubborn to ask for support. I feel that I am smart enough to figure this out. How hard can this be?
The thing is, I wasn’t getting the results I wanted. Don’t make the same mistake I made.
No one is going to say that you are less worthy if you ask for support. When you’re supported, you will save so much time and gain so much more energy to pursue your goals. Every successful person who made it big did not do it by themselves only. Their goals are much bigger than their egos. I wish I learned this sooner.
Since I allowed myself to receive support for my business, I have gained tremendous inner & outer progress. I showed up much more consistently to serve my audience and I am receiving new clients every month now. Until today, I am still getting support in the form of a coach & like-minded community. I am so grateful for them.
As you reflect upon your year, which of the above is holding you back from getting closer to your goals?
Whichever it was, acknowledge it and be kind to yourself. Notice and celebrate your wins so far. You did the best you could.
Moving into 2023, I invite you to prioritize yourself, prioritize your goals. Dive deeper and gain clarity on what makes the goal important to you and what’s holding you back. Lastly, get support to achieve them if it really matters to you.
PS: Through working with me, my client finally understands what’s holding her back from taking consistent action toward her dream. She no longer lets fear & doubt lead her life and feels much more confident and at peace in pursuing what matters to her. If you want support to do the same, I am here for you. I have 1 coaching spot left in December and this may be the best Christmas gift for yourself.
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